Who is MY God?

What is prayer? It is ,I think, a relationship.
In a relationship ,we converse. We lay ourselves bare, this is our safe haven, where we toss the masks. Sometimes, we let our closest friends see us as we are and their eyes need a little adjusting before their brain realizes that this dim dark version of us is in fact the same one over whom we perpetually hold  the lime light glorifying only the good angles while strategically putting the rest in shadow.

Recently I removed my "makeup"(metaphorical: viz. the magnanimous person I paint myself to be) and my very placid usually non-reactive friend was jarred! She was not used to the dimmer, darker me. She said," You are awful, how could you?!" (Note well: She didn't say, "You LOOK awful", she said," you ARE awful.")

Lesson learned. Get into relationship with one who can always understand there is a dim dark reality and still delights in you. Unconditional lovers are the best. And they are rarely found. But I found my unconditional lover when I was just 12 years old and His Name is Jesus.

But sometimes, self-help mantras, that encourage one to be forth-coming and real, speaking one's mind honestly in order to build lasting relationships , make me lay aside pretenses. But no sooner do I let my true colours show than I feel like a deer caught in headlights.

So I got to thinking, I should be forthcoming and real, but with my unconditional Lover. Instead of causing a dissonance in my normal friends' brains, by screwing with their perception of me, I should ask for help in prayer to become the good person that they believe me to be.

After all, the great ones say, "You are the sky,"..." everything else is just weather." Pema Chodron ... We are shown the bright blue sky of our sacredness and we are transfixed only by the ominous clouds. (c/o Tattoos on the Heart.)

When we are in relationship we also value our friend's advice. But what happens when our different friends give us several contradicting pieces of advice. Our brain-fog thickens. Whose love should we strive for? Whose good advice should we take?

John 15: 9- 11
As the Father has loved me,so have I loved you.Abide in my love.
Jesus abode in His Father's love by taking His orders and obeying them.
Jesus's joy could never be diminished,He was always full of joy.... no confusion,no dissonance when his different friends said different things.
I'm referring to Peter in Matthew 16.
It was difficult to tell if Peter was a prophet or a self-appointed shrink. Here he was at one moment speaking the truth that only Heaven knew,that Jesus is the Son of God, and then the very next moment He was telling Jesus to abort the salvific mission. Superimposing his vision over God's own plan revealed by Jesus's preceding words.
But Jesus didn't lose his joy. He was lucid and peaceful enough to point out to Peter what was from God and what was from Satan.

I need Jesus's joy in me ,that my joy may not vanish with the slightest breeze of contradiction.For that I need to receive His orders and obey them.His orders are to love. Obedience is loving. Love feels no burden. Yet I do the works of Love and weigh them, keeping tab as if to receive payment. Forgetting to be grateful and forgetting my debts which I can never repay to Jesus.
Yes, I am a work in progress... and the perfect,they take offense at me.

Be the metaphor

You can shout it from the rooftops,but if people have headphones on, jamming to their own DJ's ,nobody's gonna hear you.
Nobody makes eye contact anymore unless you're a picture on their screen,then they might give you the time of day.So how to evangelise without words ?
The evident is overlooked, but the mysterious,well now that can't be passed on by,can it? It's a challenge thrown at everyone's intelligence,can they figure it out? All of us have just got to let that inner Sherlock shine. ..  Right? A metaphor has got to be understood,otherwise,well I'd just be too dumb! So...
Be the mystery.Be the metaphor. Be like the stars and the scars, speaking volumes and telling tales of long ago and far away,without a single word. Be "Jesus in the apron." as Fr.G puts it. ( yes,still reading Tattoos on the Heart,and loving it!)